nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
