Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
