please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
