Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
