it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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