My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
