Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
