I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize