I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Even my vagina gasped.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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