Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
