Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize