Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
