Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize