I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
