Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
