Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
