Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
