Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
