I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
