Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
