lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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