Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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