a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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