I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
