There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
