I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
