Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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