why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
