After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
