If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
