There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
