Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
