3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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