I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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