I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
its liver damage thursday
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize