batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
