I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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