You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
