Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize