dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
