Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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