road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
