16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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