he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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