I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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