guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
