Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
