need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
