We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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