dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
