Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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