I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He? As in you personified your dick?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
