oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
