So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
