woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
