hotel room ftw
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
