and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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