before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
