i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
