BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
