TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
