Im at strip club and am horny
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
