i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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