tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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