did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
