so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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